I don't know.

Even after six weeks of not doing anything but hitting the gym, going to the library, working at the library, and having all the time in the world to think about what I want, I'm even more confused than ever.

Do I want to go to Korea?

So my initial plan for going to Korea fell through. I had expected just as much, but still had a tinge of hope that something would work out. I know it's as easy as a click away to go to Korea. But at this point in my life, do I really need to go to Korea? All the reasons I want to go are for purely selfish reasons: I want freedom, independence, to enjoy myself, and make new friends (maybe a boyfriend?). I've come to the sensible conclusion that I don't need to go. But if all else fails I guess, I can go then.

Do I want a relationship?

Blank. I do but I don't. I could go on about this forever. It consumes too much of my mind when it really shouldn't. I don't know why I do this to myself.

What to do with my future...

I have to do something with my college degree, right? As much as I didn't really like my major, I should pursue something with it. Over this month, I couldn't help but regret going to a four-year university when I wasn't going to excel and get anywhere else and honestly thought that I maybe should have gone to a technical college and learned a skill. I want to apply to dental school but don't think I'm competitive enough, aside the fact that I need to take the DAT. I've gone through less than half of a Kaplan book this past month.

What to do with myself.

I guess I could say I've grown over the past few months. I have changed A LOT and I can tell. The things that were important to me for many years aren't as important to me. I stopped caring so much about silly, trivial things. I have realized that I need to pull myself together and become more focused and determined.  I need to follow through with myself. I take myself more seriously now, I'm full of regret, but I know I can change. That I had potential, at least before coming to college and getting a slap in the face. I wish I would've stumbled and fallen and gotten my head on right before coming to college, but as long as it's come to me now, I guess I should embrace what it's taught me.


How I need to Change.

Become more assertive, confident, determined, motivated.
Be open to change.
Be less afraid of what everyone else thinks.
Stop wasting time.
Make goals but actually follow through with them.