All I ask...

"My heart big, but it beat quiet..................."
 from Chris Brown's "Deuces"

I'd like to think that I have a lot of patience when it comes to people. I won't tell you I'm disappointed in you even if I am, I won't try to do anything that I know bugs you, and I try to be the best that a friend can be. It takes a long time to break open my shell, but once you have broken it, I guarantee that you can have me for life. I will invest myself entirely to you even with the smallest bit of knowledge and awareness that you could potentially be willing to do the same. But lose my trust or continue to strikeout with me on the little things and I can cut you off cold-turkey without any warning. I don't need to spend my energies or waste my time on someone who will just set me up for disappointment and make me worry.

Once you break down my barrier, I will share with you whatever you want to know and am willing to commit myself to your well-being by listening, offering advice and encouragement, and just plain being there. I feel your sorrow with you and feel guilty when I can't do anything for you. I experience twice as much as joy when you are happy because I feel excitement for your situation and also because I can see happiness in my friend. Maybe this is why I haven't ever kept a lot of my friends throughout my life. I don't keep friends that aren't worth having or that don't value me or my friendship. I don't need that in my life. But show me the smallest gesture that you value our relationship and I will open my heart fully to you and might want to be your friend more than you want to be mine. It's just the way I am. I don't expect a lot -- I am willing to give more than I take.

I can open my heart up easily, but I can close it back up just as fast. Show me a little effort and I guarantee that you will not be disappointed and that I will be there for you always. Right now in my life, there are probably less than the little fingers on my hand of those that I will do that for. Maybe that's plenty, but some are about to lose their place on my hands. I've provided more than enough chances to some people and maybe I haven't told them, but I don't feel like I should have to. I can't even expect the most basic things that doesn't even require a friendship from some people.

I try to be patient and am willing to give a person multiple chances. I hate trying to cut the line off of a friendship, I feel like such a crummy person and feel very selfish when I do it. But I can't waste me energies trying to preserve a friendship when I already have ones where they are more than willing to do the same for me.

Am I wrong? A friend texted me a few weeks ago when I had a dilemma and she said, "It's not worth the friendship if I feel that I need to lower my standards."