Revelations from my first online date

I'll start from the top. I'm an online dating skeptic. But I needed a distraction from the current state of my life and to put myself "out there" more. But this experience with online dating was more than enough to remind me that Prince Charming doesn't do online dating.


After much debate (and persuasion from my friends), I very hesitantly agreed to meet someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it because I realized that it wasn't for me. But I realized a lot more as I sat for two hours in a local cider brewery last Friday night.

This is what I felt went wrong at the meet-up that can be applicable to other online daters.

What did he do wrong?

1. Don't be late.
   Especially if you are the one who proposed the idea of meeting, don't be late when the other person offers to meet you. There's a fine line between being moderately late and really late. Forty minutes is really late.
2. You shouldn't lie about your height.
   I'm pretty sure he listed himself as being the same height as my brother, who is taller than me. When I got up to introduce myself to this guy, I noticed I didn't have to look up very far to meet his eyes.
3. Play a little hard to get, just for the heck of it.
   Early on, I was not impressed by this person because of his frequent and rapid responses. There was no "thrill of the chase" flavor. I never wondered if this person would respond or when he would. He just did, promptly.
4. Being boastful about oneself is unattractive.
   Let the girl compliment you on your achievements or mention how impressive your background is. You can fish for compliments because who doesn't love flattery? However, it is not necessary to put yourself mildly above your colleagues or tell me about how all your superiors are so impressed by you.
5. Limit your pride in your hometown/state/country.
   Same goes for this one. Let the other person ask about the place of your origin, if she's interested. There really isn't a need to try to list every "claim to fame" person from your small town -- especially if I lost you at the first two.
6. If you're meeting an ethnically or culturally diverse person, there's no need to try to "relate".
   You can tell me you went through a "phase" when you read lots of books on North Korea. But don't ask me how it is there or what ancestry of mine potentially remains there because I don't know. Moreover, you definitely don't have to tell me your mom adores the another Asian population in your small town to hint that I don't have to worry about any potential problems with discrimination in this nonexistent relationship.
7. Let's save talking about money until you know me better (or not talk about it at all).
   I really like travel, so please don't (indirectly) tell me it's a waste of money. That night, I learned that guys who I have been attracted to in the past  have traveled quite a bit, or at least aspire to. One can be frugal and talk about it, but don't talk down rich or poor people. Their situations can be hard-earned or inevitable. Let's not judge.
8. Open books aren't that interesting.
   After the two hour nonstop rollercoaster, I felt like I knew everything I could possibly want to know about this stranger and more. When we parted ways, there wasn't a drop of curiosity I had about this person. The book had been written, I had read the end.
9. Your aspirations are something you actually have to work towards.
   Yes, I took the DAT. Yes, it was hard. And that's great that your dream would be to be a professor, but the fact that you don't want to pursue a Ph.D or get your J.D. because you tried a couple of sample questions of the GRE/LSAT and thought it was "too hard" is unbelievable. How do you think your college professors and the lawyers you work for got there? With a magic wand and a miraculous spell?
10. Awkward pauses can be okay.
    I couldn't formally announce that I had to be up early the next day or could even make up an excuse to leave early because this person wouldn't allow for a pause in the conversation. When I was done answering a question he asked, he immediately tried to pick up the conversation. It was only after two hours that he had asked, if I had to be anywhere the next day -- which was my out.

What did I do wrong?

1. Dragged the online conversation out too long.
   What I should have done if I was interested in this person was have met him right away. Waiting as long as I did (about a week) was far too long and built up too much anxiety when I agreed to meet this person another week later. All the superficial topics had been covered during our online chats back and forth.
2. Met a person I had virtually nothing in common with.
   A political science major working in the State Attorney General's office who is from rural Minnesota, five miles from the Canadian border should've been the first sign.
3. Actually, going on the date was a mistake from the start.
   I obviously was not looking for any type of relationship. This I realized after I arranging a date and time with this person, especially not with someone online. There was too much pressure off the bat. So much for getting myself out there.
4. All of the above.
   I swear off online dating, maybe at least until I'm 30. Unless I'm going to pay for it and be serious about resolving my being single.

All in all, I made several realizations that night. Online dating isn't for everyone, but especially not for me. As good of a deal it seems to have your pick at the potential cream of the crop prospects by viewing a profile online and selectively chatting, it is just as much of a gamble as meeting someone organically and taking your chances. So I think I'll just be sticking to the old-fashioned way of meeting people. Or just sit on my stoop and wait for Prince Charming to come find me.

My first summer fling: the beginnings.

I really didn't have any idea what I was getting myself into when I signed on to work in Seattle for a summer at an elite summer camp for middle- and high school-aged children. What I did know is that I would take anything to get away from the stressful and monotonous lifestyle I had gotten swallowed into for the six months prior to when I had decided to leave. I could not be around middle-aged women who had to settle for their lives or deal with patients who felt the need to release their anger about their financial problems to me. I needed to live out my youth, even if for just a few weeks. I was so drained from preparing another application for dental school that I was ready to leave even before I had been offered the position.

In the back of my mind, I did hope to experience some kind of fictional summer romance and have the time of my life. To my disappointment, I immediately pushed that thought aside after observing the rest of the administrative staff I had met upon my arrival. Namely, because out of about 13 staff members, 11 were females. And of the two males, one was already interested in my co-worker and the other one was, luckily, taken. Thus, I mentally tossed the idea of a summer fling.

Days later the rest of the staff arrived and I honestly did not even bother to consider anyone else. I was just here to have fun, that was the new agenda. But my luck may have been steering me into new directions.

As we went on a tour of the neighborhood where we'd be the next seven weeks during orientation, a boy asked me a question out of the blue. "So, I saw that you're applying to dental school?" I was completely caught off guard and had not really even noticed him over a nearly 48-hour period since his arrival. However, I was deeply impressed that he had 1.) read my bio, and 2.) remembered that subtle piece of information. He went on to humbly mention that he was going to be attending medical school in the fall. And that's all it really took to get me interested -- interest in me and ambition.

Although a day or two had gone by since that happening, I wasn't expecting anything more to happen (because I am a skeptic). But then, one evening after putting all the children to rest, I got a text from this "friend". "Are you going out tonight?", it said. I was surprised, but nonetheless, happy to hear from him. I shared that I was. In the end, some of his crew was not excited about going out with administrators of the program. But we agreed to let each other know in the future, if we went out.

Then, one fateful night, after all the kiddos had gone to dreamland for the night, we decided to go out to our escape, Capitol Hill - an area thriving of young people and a great bar scene. All the staff always congregated in the lobby before heading out for the night. When I stepped off the elevator, all were discussing who was going out for the night, it was stated twice that this "friend" wasn't going out. My curiosity and sudden wave of braveness that had found me in Seattle wanted to know if this "friend" was just "being nice" or was being somewhat flirtatious. So, because I knew he was staying in for the night, I texted him, jokingly, "You aren't heading out with your RA friends tonight?" No response. The group started to head out towards our beloved destination when someone came rushing out from our dorms. It was our "friend", whom will now be referred to as R.

Honestly, I was flooded with a mix of emotions. I, frankly, did not expect him to come. I had not calculated beyond sending him that text. As a result, my childish self resurfaced and I ended up pretending he didn't exist the whole night.

A few nights later, staff had planned to head out again to CapHill. My phone needed to be charged, so I had left it in my room while was lounging with two staff members in the main office. The two were staying in and when the office was officially closed for the night, I went back to my room to see missed calls and texts. R had called and texted. I asked if everyone had already headed out and he had responded, "Yes, come out!" I called and he had said they were already on their way out, but asked if I wanted someone to walk me back. I had crossed the street to head towards the group and saw that he had already begun walking back to our dorms. Internally, I was bubbly and smitten by the fact that he was thinking of walking back to escort me.

Incidents that made me continue to question the actions of my friend R were definitely quite confusing to me. I had never been in such close proximity to a guy, nor had I interacted with a member of the opposite sex who was that forward about being, well, friendly.  About two weeks after first meeting R, I had my first day off from the program and spent the day with my aunt, who was living in nearby Olympia. On our way up to Whidbey Island, I brought up all my excursions and funny stories from the program. In addition, I brought up my unusual encounters with my friend R. She immediately hit me on the shoulder and exclaimed, "Are you dense?" The honest truth was, I was hoping someone would tell me I wasn't just imagining these things.

My aunt had noticed this feller by vigilantly checking my Facebook to see what I was up to on her side of town. "Oh, he has great calves...A runner?...A traveler?..And he's an immigrant going to med school?! He sounds great!" As I shared bits and pieces of what I had learned about him over the course of two weeks, I began to see what a great guy he seemed to be. He had told me that he ran his first half marathon last year, had been backpacking in Central America before coming to Seattle, and immigrated when he was 10 years old to New York. That and I observed that he was pretty athletic during our makeshift staff intramural sporting events. Overall, I was extremely impressed.

Putting my interest aside, my aunt knew me too well. She knew I would never act upon this slight attraction, which was entirely true. I have always been one to move cautiously, calculating consequences and avoiding risk. My aunt asked me to drive back from Whidbey Island to Seattle, as she would have to drive all the way back to Olympia that night. As I was driving and just before she pressed send from my phone announced, "You are so cute. And you have nice calves. Seriously." "OMIGAWD!" I exclaimed, not believing she would actually send it. She laughed and mastered up another text, "You will make many patients happy someday. Especially the female folks." If I wasn't driving, I probably would've died.

to be continued...