Revelations from my first online date

I'll start from the top. I'm an online dating skeptic. But I needed a distraction from the current state of my life and to put myself "out there" more. But this experience with online dating was more than enough to remind me that Prince Charming doesn't do online dating.


After much debate (and persuasion from my friends), I very hesitantly agreed to meet someone. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it because I realized that it wasn't for me. But I realized a lot more as I sat for two hours in a local cider brewery last Friday night.

This is what I felt went wrong at the meet-up that can be applicable to other online daters.

What did he do wrong?

1. Don't be late.
   Especially if you are the one who proposed the idea of meeting, don't be late when the other person offers to meet you. There's a fine line between being moderately late and really late. Forty minutes is really late.
2. You shouldn't lie about your height.
   I'm pretty sure he listed himself as being the same height as my brother, who is taller than me. When I got up to introduce myself to this guy, I noticed I didn't have to look up very far to meet his eyes.
3. Play a little hard to get, just for the heck of it.
   Early on, I was not impressed by this person because of his frequent and rapid responses. There was no "thrill of the chase" flavor. I never wondered if this person would respond or when he would. He just did, promptly.
4. Being boastful about oneself is unattractive.
   Let the girl compliment you on your achievements or mention how impressive your background is. You can fish for compliments because who doesn't love flattery? However, it is not necessary to put yourself mildly above your colleagues or tell me about how all your superiors are so impressed by you.
5. Limit your pride in your hometown/state/country.
   Same goes for this one. Let the other person ask about the place of your origin, if she's interested. There really isn't a need to try to list every "claim to fame" person from your small town -- especially if I lost you at the first two.
6. If you're meeting an ethnically or culturally diverse person, there's no need to try to "relate".
   You can tell me you went through a "phase" when you read lots of books on North Korea. But don't ask me how it is there or what ancestry of mine potentially remains there because I don't know. Moreover, you definitely don't have to tell me your mom adores the another Asian population in your small town to hint that I don't have to worry about any potential problems with discrimination in this nonexistent relationship.
7. Let's save talking about money until you know me better (or not talk about it at all).
   I really like travel, so please don't (indirectly) tell me it's a waste of money. That night, I learned that guys who I have been attracted to in the past  have traveled quite a bit, or at least aspire to. One can be frugal and talk about it, but don't talk down rich or poor people. Their situations can be hard-earned or inevitable. Let's not judge.
8. Open books aren't that interesting.
   After the two hour nonstop rollercoaster, I felt like I knew everything I could possibly want to know about this stranger and more. When we parted ways, there wasn't a drop of curiosity I had about this person. The book had been written, I had read the end.
9. Your aspirations are something you actually have to work towards.
   Yes, I took the DAT. Yes, it was hard. And that's great that your dream would be to be a professor, but the fact that you don't want to pursue a Ph.D or get your J.D. because you tried a couple of sample questions of the GRE/LSAT and thought it was "too hard" is unbelievable. How do you think your college professors and the lawyers you work for got there? With a magic wand and a miraculous spell?
10. Awkward pauses can be okay.
    I couldn't formally announce that I had to be up early the next day or could even make up an excuse to leave early because this person wouldn't allow for a pause in the conversation. When I was done answering a question he asked, he immediately tried to pick up the conversation. It was only after two hours that he had asked, if I had to be anywhere the next day -- which was my out.

What did I do wrong?

1. Dragged the online conversation out too long.
   What I should have done if I was interested in this person was have met him right away. Waiting as long as I did (about a week) was far too long and built up too much anxiety when I agreed to meet this person another week later. All the superficial topics had been covered during our online chats back and forth.
2. Met a person I had virtually nothing in common with.
   A political science major working in the State Attorney General's office who is from rural Minnesota, five miles from the Canadian border should've been the first sign.
3. Actually, going on the date was a mistake from the start.
   I obviously was not looking for any type of relationship. This I realized after I arranging a date and time with this person, especially not with someone online. There was too much pressure off the bat. So much for getting myself out there.
4. All of the above.
   I swear off online dating, maybe at least until I'm 30. Unless I'm going to pay for it and be serious about resolving my being single.

All in all, I made several realizations that night. Online dating isn't for everyone, but especially not for me. As good of a deal it seems to have your pick at the potential cream of the crop prospects by viewing a profile online and selectively chatting, it is just as much of a gamble as meeting someone organically and taking your chances. So I think I'll just be sticking to the old-fashioned way of meeting people. Or just sit on my stoop and wait for Prince Charming to come find me.