The deeper I go....

The deeper I delve into this crush, the crazier I become. But I guess I'm not alone in feeling this way. After talking to my girlfriends back home more than when I was actually home, I have learned that I am not unusual. As a girl, I guess there is a certain level of craziness in all of us that results from our sensitive and emotion selves. A side that makes us vulnerable to getting hurt, make us jump to conclusions, make us...well crazy.

I like him more and more. I can't control what my heart feels. I don't need more, but I need that relationship. He consumes me and it drives me absolutely insane, but at the same time I don't have the courage to act upon it. Well, at least not now. I haven't run into him in days, nor have I spoken to him...It bothers me, but I also have too much pride to talk to him and am afraid that it isn't what I thought it was.

Talking to others and thinking about everything that has happened in the past makes me think otherwise, but I just need a second chance at this. I don't talk to him as regularly as I did before, I don't run into him anymore...Time keeps passing and nothing is progressing. But maybe there is someone else, maybe I am a little too late. That will hurt me the most. I've never felt so deeply for anyone in my life...Ever.

It scares me to lose what little I have left, but I know it can't be the same like it was back home. That was just a small moment in time when he and I were able to live and exist in our own bubble. One that let me feel so many things...But now, the bubble has gotten too large. It might even pop soon...What then?

좋아해. 진짜 너무나. 이렇게 깊은 감정이 처음이라서 너무나 무서워. 내가 내 자신이 싫어...사인을 나한테 주면 내가 한걸음 더 다가갈 수 있는데...한번만 보여주라...네 마음. 내가 알 수 있게...그러면 나도 포기하거나 어떻게 하게...괴로워.용기를 내고 싶은데....고백은 무섭다.